julie reneé photography

She was the Lorelai to my Rory. 

If you’re not a fan of Gilmore Girls, you probably won’t get that reference (you also probably need to go immediately to your Netflix account and watch a few episodes.  It’s pretty darn awesome), but essentially it’s a television show about a mother and daughter.  The mother had her daughter when she herself was just a teenager, and had to grow up quickly in order to be a good mom and role model.  They grew up together, being friends first, and parent/child second.  They were best friends.

She is the Lorelai to my Rory.

My mom had every reason not to go through with her pregnancy with me.  She was practically still a child herself, had no money, and becoming an unwed 20 year old mother was not exactly the best way to go about finishing her college degree and climbing up the ladder to success in the working world.  She had every reason not to go through with it…but she never had a single question in her mind as to whether or not she would.  She just sort of lept, without seeing any sort of net beneath her.  She lept, and just prayed that she’d grow wings in time.

She grew wings.

The early days were tough.  We were VERY poor, and I remember hearing stories of us eating “Four-for-a-quarter Fishcakes” and her having to actually push her car to the top of a hill and start rolling it down, then leaping into it in order to make it start.  She tells these stories with a smile, as they’re not memories she’s ashamed of…but moreso an adventure that we went through together.  It’s just a part of our story.  My mom had every reason to accept government assistance (welfare) in order to pay the bills, but chose not to.  Instead choosing to work HARD and push herself to become incredible at every job she took on.  She quickly climbed her way up, and is now in demand and highly respected in her field.

I cannot stress to you how much I admire her for this.  For teaching me the importance of hard work.

We laughed.  A lot.

My friends all thought I had “the cool mom.”  I never wanted her to know this, but I agreed.  She was cool.  When the other moms were watching their kids play, my mom was playing WITH.  We had snowball fights and rolled down big grassy hills (ending up with chiggers and scratching our skin off…but it was worth it.)  We played Tetris together after dinner or would giggle through watching The Cosby Show together.

She instilled in me a love for animals.  My mom has rescued dozens and dozens of dogs, cats, birds, turtles (yes, even turtles), and any other kind of animal you can imagine running too close to the highway.  She once saw a very pregnant dog by the side of the road, and within a week she was helping it birth 8 puppies in her closet.  She adopted her, named her “Pudge” (which just seemed fitting, given the condition we found her in), and adopted out all of the puppies.  One of them ended up in a not great situation, so she took him back and he became ours too.  We then became known as the crazy animal lovers, living in a townhouse with 3 large dogs, a cat, and a lizard.  I have a tremendous amount of love and compassion for all animals, and I have my mom to thank for it.

She spanked me when I deserved it, which was approximately 4 times.  That’s right, I only needed a spanking 4 times, because I learned very early that it wasn’t worth it to disobey, lie, or be disrespectful.  One of those 4 spankings happened when I was 13.  I decided to try out sassing my mom in front of my friends (so I could look cool) and she warned me a few times to stop being disrespectful and knock it off.  I did it again, and she very kindly looked at my friends and said “Well, it looks like you guys need to go home because Julie’s about to get a spanking.  It was really great seeing you guys though!  Julie will probably be grounded for about a week, but after that I look forward to having you all over again soon!”  My friends all looked at me with horror…we were in junior high!  And I was about to be spanked by my mommy!  That event was so completely mortifying that I NEVER sassed her like that again.  My mom also let me know in no uncertain terms that if I ever skipped school, that she would come to school with me for the next week and walk through the halls with me holding my hand and make sure that I made it to class.  Guess who never once skipped school out of fear of being the freak holding her mom’s hand in the hall…yep, this girl.

My mom didn’t date much while I was growing up, instead she focused on me.  She dated me, actually.  I remember finding printed out cards on my bedroom door, saying “You are cordially invited to the 8th annual Mother Daughter Night!”  We didn’t have a lot of money, so it was on a budget, but I never knew.  She would take me out to dinner at whatever restaurant I chose (and being the high roller that I was at age 10, it was most likely McDonalds or the Chinese place up the street), then to get manicures (or sometimes if the money was really tight, we would just go to CVS and pick out a new bottle of nail polish and paint each other’s nails), and then to the video store to pick out a movie to watch, and pop popcorn.  We would laugh and talk and I would tell her about boys and my friends and my feelings…the kinds of things that some moms wonder why their kids won’t tell them.  She always tried to not give advice (unless I asked or she really felt strongly), but rather see how I felt about things, and try and let me come to my own conclusions about the right way to handle situations.  She wanted me to be an independent, yet responsible thinker.  God, I love her for that.

My mom loves giving gifts and surprises, so she did these a lot.  Many of our family vacations were surprises.  I remember coming home from school one day to a nicely wrapped box with a ribbon around it in my room.  I excitedly opened it and found a new outfit.  Just something she had seen and knew I would love.  And it was basically the best gift EVER.  I LOVE surprise gifts now and I believe she’s to thank for it.  Even small little items, when wrapped up and presented with no reason other than “because I love you,” just makes me feel like the most special person in the world.  I love my mom for filling my life with special surprises.

My mom instilled in me a love for God.  We attended an incredible church where I became active in the youth group and made some really amazing friends.  Friends that I still love dearly and am best friends with to this day.  My mom prayed with and for me daily…still does.  She raised me with strong morals.  She never preached judgement of others, but rather compassion.  She took in a homeless woman and her son to live with us, when she herself was barely skimming by financially.  I remember one time a few years ago telling my mom that I felt like one of the only things I really wish she had done differently in raising me is that I wish she had been more strict with me about my grades.  She knew I was capable of straight A’s if I had “applied myself” more, and I was upset that she didn’t push me harder.  Her answer, plainly, was “I guess I just always felt like your CHARACTER was far more important than your report card.   That’s what I chose to focus on.”

When I told my mom that I was “taking a semester off” from college, I’m sure she wasn’t thrilled, but she was supportive.  As she was when I told her that I was going back.  We did this dance a few times, but she never once rolled her eyes or made me commit or stopped supporting me.  She let me find my own path.  Even if that path was to become a self-employed artist.  ; )

My mom has always been good to my boyfriends.  When I was 19, I once brought home a young man who was the lead singer of a band, and was covered head-to-toe with tattoos.  In hindsight, it probably would have been nice if I had warned her about the tattoos before bringing him to meet her.  Whoops.  I was nervous about what she would think or how she would react, but she didn’t miss a beat.  She extended her hand and gave him a kind handshake, and then told him how nice it was to meet him and invited him in.  She was warm and welcoming, and he told me later that my mom was probably the coolest parent he has ever met, and that her being so accepting of him was one of the nicest gestures he had ever received.  I just said “Yeah, that’s just kinda how she is.”  Because it’s true.

I love that my mom LOVES my husband.  She doesn’t merely like him…she loves him.  And when that starry-eyed young man came to her door one evening and (over the course of a 5 hour conversation), finally got up the nerve to ask if he could marry her barely 21 year old daughter, she probably should have laughed in his face.  She would have had every reason to say that we were too young.  We hadn’t been together long enough.  He had barely graduated college and didn’t even have a job yet…how was he going to support a family?  She asked questions and made sure that he was prepared to love her daughter unconditionally, but she knew that both Chris and I KNEW that we were supposed to be together.  We were meant for each other.  So with a hug and a prayer, she gave her blessing.  She opened her heart to him and took him in as a son.  Ugh…I get choked up thinking about this.  My mom and Chris truly have a bond that just fills my heart, knowing that the two most important people in my life are so close.  So close, in fact, that they occasionally decide to team up on me.  It’s not cool, but I suppose it’s warranted from time to time (I may or may not be a bit strong headed and difficult at times…just a tad…)  I adore my mother-in-law also, and whenever I hear my friends complaining about their in-laws, I honestly thank God for the relationships that Chris and I have with our parents.  We are just so blessed.

My mom is an incredible Nana to my son.  The words “Incredible,” “Amazing,” and “Awesome,” don’t even come close to doing her justice.  She is truly just…wow.  She loves my little boy more than I could ever possibly imagine, and they have a bond that truly cannot be comprehended by anyone other than the two of them.   She selflessly babysits anytime I need her, and despite her painful prosthetic knees she  has always gotten down on the floor and played with him the way a toddler wants to be played with.  She makes everything fun for him.  She also respects our choices to feed him healthy, organic, whole foods so whenever we come to visit she always has plenty of organic milk and produce for him to eat…not because she has to, but because she’s just a great Nana.

There are so many other things that I could ramble on about regarding my mother…the fact that she was a girl scout leader and spent countless hours climbing through trash dumpsters with me looking for my retainers when I (many, many times) would accidentally throw them away and the way that she made holidays special and fun and countless other things.  But there’s just not enough space on the internet for all of the gratitude that I have for my mom.

Mom, thank you for making me the woman that I am.  Thank you for always putting me first, and thank you for always loving me, even when I didn’t make it easy.  Thank you for being an example of what a fun, adoring mother looks like.  I truly believe that I am the mommy that I am because of who you made me.  I just pray that one day, Spencer will be sitting at his computer with tears in his eyes, remembering the life that his daddy and I gave him and thinking of how to write a tribute to me with half as much respect and love as I have right now for you.

I keemebaby.

Jewels